May 03, 2010
Feeling balanced today...
I feel like I finally exhaled after years of holding my breath. My parents divorce was official this past Wednesday, after 3 long years of separation...
I suppose that is why I am finally breathing again. 3 years of wishing and hoping that their marriage would turn around. 3 years of being in denial that I am from a "broken home". I actually feel like an adult now. I think that being an adult when your parents separate is, well, for lack of a better word, gut-wrenching. For quite some time, I was simply wondering.... I felt that my identity was so closely tied to my parents and their superficial happy marriage that when it ended, I was left with nothing but lies.
That sounds harsh, but I am sure a good majority of you out there understand what I am saying. I have to believe that there was a happy time or two during their marriage. I have to believe that I am not responsible for the demise of their relationship. I have struggled with these thoughts for far too long.
But, now I am finally breathing again. I am learning who I am, without them. I have a sweet, gentle husband, a lovely, strong-willed daughter, and a job and a home.
I have always been that person who "over-shares" about the most random aspects of my life. Sometimes I come across as, well, trivial. Sometimes I come across as inappropriate. But, anyone who actually knows me (I hope) understands that I feel things very deeply. I want to relate to people on a real level. I am a very honest person, and with that honestly comes vulnerability. And, by writing this, having a blog... I have become quite vulnerable.
Mom and Dad, if you are reading this post, please do not be offended. Be happy that I am finally healing from the nightmare that we have all endured. This is who I am, and I need to air out my feelings to move on.
Thanks for listening. Talking to an audience of strangers is therapeutic.