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exhale

Feeling balanced today...

I feel like I finally exhaled after years of holding my breath. My parents divorce was official this past Wednesday, after 3 long years of separation... 
I suppose that is why I am finally breathing again. 3 years of wishing and hoping that their marriage would turn around. 3 years of being in denial that I am from a "broken home". I actually feel like an adult now. I think that being an adult when your parents separate is, well, for lack of a better word, gut-wrenching. For quite some time, I was simply wondering.... I felt that my identity was so closely tied to my parents and their superficial happy marriage that when it ended, I was left with nothing but lies.

That sounds harsh, but I am sure a good majority of you out there understand what I am saying. I have to believe that there was a happy time or two during their marriage. I have to believe that I am not responsible for the demise of their relationship. I have struggled with these thoughts for far too long.

But, now I am finally breathing again. I am learning who I am, without them. I have a sweet, gentle husband, a lovely, strong-willed daughter, and a job and a home.

I have always been that person who "over-shares" about the most random aspects of my life. Sometimes I come across as, well, trivial. Sometimes I come across as inappropriate. But, anyone who actually knows me (I hope) understands that I feel things very deeply. I want to relate to people on a real level. I am a very honest person, and with that honestly comes vulnerability. And, by writing this, having a blog... I have become quite vulnerable.

Mom and Dad, if you are reading this post, please do not be offended. Be happy that I am finally healing from the nightmare that we have all endured. This is who I am, and I need to air out my feelings to move on.

Thanks for listening. Talking to an audience of strangers is therapeutic.

-Stacie
Posted by Stacie Bloomfield in family

6 Comments

your blog is beautiful! i appreciate the honesty and rawness.

Posted by Meg on June 25, 2014

There is nothing like real, beautiful honesty.

I can totally relate to the questions of hoping and believing that no matter what they say NOW, there were happy times.

In my family, I know there were great years of a beautiful, happy family… and somehow my parents (divorced about five years ago) so quickly forgot those times.

I won’t forget those times… and I will always fight for a healthy, happy home and marriage.

Posted by Liv on June 25, 2014

that was brave to share and I can appreciate and relate in some ways about having to see yourself apart from your parents, feeling things deeply, etc.

I enjoy your blog lots and your honesty is one of those reasons why!

Posted by RachelDenbow on June 25, 2014

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such a sad time. Please find comfort in knowing that you’re an amazing person, artist, mother and wife…and fans like me are here to listen to you when you need to vent and air out your sorrows.

Posted by Amie on June 25, 2014

I feel your pain. My parents divorced in my adulthood as well. They are both remarried but I still get a little mad that it went that way sometimes. I really appreciate your honesty. It made me feel like someone understands. Thank you!!

Posted by cocosparkle on June 25, 2014

I can totally relate to those feelings, although I was 8 when my parents separated. I think that no matter how old you are, it is – as you say – just a gut-wretching experience. It is as if the world you have known just breaks into tiny pieces around you – and you have to reinvent and rediscover yourself little by little by little, in tiny steps.
Thanks for sharing this article!

Posted by Ellen on June 25, 2014

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